First, I would like to draw your attention towards the title, on which I intend to write.
What is realization? When and how do we actually realize? And most importantly what impact does that leave on us?
Too many unanswered questions with a single solution. However, if I go by the dictionary meaning, it means: observed value, of a random variable that is actually observed (what actually happened.) Or, if I use a simple term to define it, then it means the act of realizing or the condition of being realized.
Well, now I would like to step forward to my next question, and that is, when and how do we realize? This condition can’t be framed into words; all you can do is feel it. Let me put in simpler words.
Suppose you trust somebody completely, then you know whatever happens, no matter what the conditions maybe, the person whom you trust will never let you down. However, what happens if he does let you down? You constantly think over it and that happens because you trust that friend blindly and the very notion that he/she might let you down vanishes.
Suppose if that trusted friend lets you down or cheats on you or may be does not share his or her secrets with you. How will you feel? Probably, annoyed, cheated, hurt, isolated, upset, wounded right? You might feel so badly that it would feel like you didn’t exist, or you will feel that someone tore the flesh out of your body without even caring a bit about you, and at that point you think, why did you trust that friend so blindly that you even ignored the facts that were there in front of you?
I went through the same. A friend of mine hid her secrets from me. She was closest of all my friends. I never thought that she will ever hide anything from me. But one day I got to know that she did. I was hurt real bad. But losing a friend without listening to her side of the story would have been wrong on my part. So I decided to hear her out first. And we talked about it and the differences vanished as if there was a soap bubble and we together pricked it.
Now comes the final aspect of realization, and that is, what impact does that leave on you?
Here I would like to go back to my earlier statement, when I said trusting someone blindly and then getting cheated on, you wouldn’t get hurt physically but what is the effect?
Either you will cry and forget, or you will just shout, or you will simply walk away, or you will stay quiet about whatever that had happened, or you will pretend as if nothing had happened. However, I believe the right way of dealing with it is to talk about it.
Obviously most people do not really do that. They might say they will, but they really don’t. The reason behind it is that when something like this happens your mind blocks your thinking in such a way that every single word seems bitter and worthless, but somewhere deep down, a blurry sound whispers that you should listen and talk, and that voice is your heart speaking to you. We have the solution in front of our eyes but we don’t see it. That is exactly what our heart desires us to do and we do not listen to our heart.
The mind works mechanically; it does not deal with emotions or feelings. But once you listen to your heart and let that friend explain his or her side of the story then you will know how things actually were. I mean you cannot react by just listening to one side of the story. Let that somebody in your life show you the other side of the story as well. At least that would help you understand things better. Just stop thinking that things are not working the way you want them to be. Life is full of surprises, pain, happiness, and sorrow, and the more you understand the people around you, the more you would understand life.
The main reason why I chose to write on this topic, instead of any other, is because I went through the same. A friend of mine hid her secrets from me. She was closest of all my friends. I never thought that she will ever hide anything from me. But one day I got to know that she did. I was hurt real bad. But then I realized that walking away or crying wont help and losing a friend without listening to her side of the story would be wrong on my part. So I decided to hear her out first.
Talking can awaken us to new values and to new and deeper appreciations. Grief can cause us to re-prioritize our values in our lives. Problems can heighten our gratitude as we cease taking the gifts life bestows on us for granted. It can give us the wisdom of being with death and can make death a companion which guides us and gives us advice.
What is required here is to talk and clear out the differences.
To quote Ralph Waldo Emerson, “Peace cannot be achieved through violence; it can only be attained through understanding”.
It’s only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on earth–and that we have no way of knowing when our time is going to be up–that we will begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it was the only one we had. Give yourself a chance and it will help you in one way or the other. You must train your intuition–you must trust that faint voice inside you which tells you exactly what to say and what to decide.
I, after clearing things out, am very much relieved, life which at that point seemed so blurry, later seemed so perfect. Don’t lose your friend just because of some misunderstanding.
I would like to conclude by saying, do not wait for extraordinary circumstances to occur to do good actions; try to use ordinary situations. Being happy is something you have to learn to be. I often say, “Wow, this is it. I guess I’m happy. I got a home I love, I got friends, I’m even feeling more and more at peace with myself.”
Try and listen to your heart because here I am, happy and satisfied; and it’s not that hard either.
First of all Anusha, hats off to u for writing this brilliant article. I am going through a similer phase in my life with respect to my close friend.
I had tried to talk to my friend, i got sucess in talking to him but he has not provided the satisfactory answers. So i m seriousely thinking about breaking off forever to him.
So what should one when by talking when the difference seems to be more bigger and it beging to hurt more?
I wud like to thank u for taking time out n comenting. .i think u shud ask your friend once again n try to sort the differences out bt even aftr that u r not able to do it then u shud give ur relationship time. .may b with time things wil improve because walking out wont help. .al d very best. :-)
Can we talk on this seperetely? you know this thing is affecting me very deeply. Now i m thinking about doing this same to my other friends..